Wishful Thinking.

One day I hope that my love will be enough for you. That's all I want, I want you to know how much I care for you and never second guess it. I wish you could just forget about her, never bring her up, or think about the past. I wish I could erase your past only because I feel it affects our future. I know she comes in the way still, you may not still love her but what you went through is making you hold back with me. I just wish we were on the same level. I've left my past behind because all thats important to me is my future, and youre my future. I love you, I'm giving you all my love, please don't break my heart and show that my insecurities weren't me just being paranoid.

I don't hate you but I still want to save you when there's something left to save.

You continue to scare me and yet draw me closer to you. I'm still holding back, thinking "maybe this is too good to be true". I'm not handing over my heart but youre slowly stealing it away from me. I've thought about it for a couple days before you said it so I don't know why it scared me so much. Maybe it was the realization that this could be the real deal, and I don't know how to handle that. Maybe it was the fact that you were on drugs, not meaning what you said yet still getting my hopes up. I'm so torn in half over this. When I think about it, half of me wants to cry and just start to distance myself from you. But my other half just wants to hold you as tightly as possible, telling you that I love you too. It's crossed my mind a few times before, I've never said my thoughts aloud in fear that maybe I don't know what love is and I want to wait until I feel certain. But whenever your head is rested apon my chest, I just squeeze you, never wanting to let go, just always wanting you to be in my arms where I can keep you safe from ever getting hurt. When youre sleeping beside me, I look at you and realize that you're the first person in a very long time that I have ever cared more for than myself. Your wellbeing and happiness is what keeps me trying so hard, it would break me if I ever saw you sad or upset. I don't know if thats what love is, and if it's not then how the hell do we get out of here?